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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 9, 2006 15:15:30 GMT
There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”
And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate.”
The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair.”
The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, “Karate that table.” The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.
So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said “Karate my a**!”
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 11, 2006 23:17:10 GMT
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 11, 2006 23:19:17 GMT
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Post by aperratt on Jun 12, 2006 0:46:41 GMT
Do I really need a test for that!!! I'm the president! ;D
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 12, 2006 0:55:00 GMT
I know that you are the president of insanity, didn't take me long to figure that one out, lol..... But did you just look at it, it's fun... ;D
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Post by Pinky on Jun 12, 2006 1:02:13 GMT
HAAAAAAAA andy did you get 100% and that was responsilbe for the Crazy frog.... oh I really dislike that crazy frog www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/crazy-frog/axel-f.htm (warning please do not play this your insanity levels will rise insanely) ;D ;D ;D
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Post by aperratt on Jun 12, 2006 1:04:33 GMT
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 12, 2006 1:08:31 GMT
"aha" if you got a score you didn't look,,,,
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Post by aperratt on Jun 12, 2006 1:10:18 GMT
Darn....... caught!!!!
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 12, 2006 1:19:57 GMT
Ok, something is wrong with me, because I liked your crazy frog.. That is so funny.....
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Post by aperratt on Jun 12, 2006 1:26:22 GMT
Actually, this is how i prefer crazy frog...... I would like to point out that no rope fibres were injured in the making of this picture. I fully support "Rope Fibres R Us" and regularly subscribe to their magazine "Rope Fibres Monthly"
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 12, 2006 14:43:41 GMT
Oh, that poor little frog, lol... Yes he can get on your nerves, but still fun.... ;D
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 13, 2006 14:00:22 GMT
If You Get Caught Sleeping at Your Desk
1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
2. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.
3. Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.
4. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
5. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
6. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
7. Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP). I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
8. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.
9. Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
10. The coffee machine is broken.
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 15, 2006 18:35:39 GMT
Things Not To Say During Childbirth....
-- Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.
-- Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?
-- I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.
-- If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.
-- That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?
-- When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.
-- You don't need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.
-- This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.
-- Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?
-- Stop your swearing and just breathe.
-- Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You're not using the right words.
-- Your stomach still looks like there's another one in there.
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Post by Pinky on Jun 19, 2006 10:40:05 GMT
PERKS OF BEING OVER 50
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run - - anywhere.
4 People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex , but not your glasses.
10 You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12.. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
14 You sing along with elevator music.
15. Your eyes won't get much worse.
16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
. you notice these are all in Larger Print for your convenience.
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Post by aperratt on Jun 19, 2006 11:26:43 GMT
That's a good'un pinky . And no...I can't relate to it....well most of it anyway!
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 19, 2006 14:17:21 GMT
Boy, Pinky you wrote my life story, lol... Pretty bad when you see that alot of this is true, roflmao...
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 19, 2006 14:33:33 GMT
The marriage between the elderly farmer and his young wife was not working out too well, so the farmer consulted his doctor for advice.
“The next time you’re down in the field plowing and feel a yearning for your wife.” said the doctor, “don’t wait until lunch time or the end of the day, but quit what you’re doing and go to the house.” “I tried that,” said the farmer, “but by the time I get to the house, I am so tuckered out, it’s no use.”
The doctor thought for a minute, “Take your shotgun with you when you leave the house in the morning and if you feel the urge, shoot the gun and she will come down there where you are.”
A few weeks later the two men met on the street.
“How did it work out?” asked the doctor.
“Fine, the first three days,” said the farmer, “then the hunting season opened and I haven’t seen her since.”
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Post by Gerda on Jun 19, 2006 19:44:36 GMT
Reading "PERKS OF BEING OVER 50" at work this afternoon, it made me laugh so loud, my colleague wanted to know, what is was about. I read it out loud, tears rolling over my cheeks. He had to laugh out loud too. I know now what is ahead of me in a few years. Poor old lonesome me.
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 22, 2006 14:53:26 GMT
Discovering one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Levine stopped to gently scold the child. Smiling sweetly the teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well you can't say you weren't warned!"
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