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Post by Pinky on May 26, 2006 0:01:00 GMT
keep us lady's happy haha ( wish I had ink in my printer) I would print that out as government leaflets
aw no ink in the printer ?
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Post by angelwings13 on May 26, 2006 0:01:29 GMT
Andy, that is a great one, lmao. Angel
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Post by Pinky on May 26, 2006 0:05:24 GMT
ps.. I think men have their usefullness, changing a light bulb and opening A jar ? I would like to ad to list but cannot think of another as of yet! haha
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Post by aperratt on May 26, 2006 0:25:36 GMT
Erm....maybe I gonna regret this after all.
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Post by angelwings13 on May 26, 2006 0:52:51 GMT
This one is for anyone who has a teenage daughter. Plus we all went through this at one time or another by our parents, lol...
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: THIS APPLICATION WILL BE INCOMPLETE AND REJECTED UNLESS ACCOMPANIED BY A COMPLETE FINANCIAL STATEMENT, WORK HISTORY, LINEAGE AND CURRENT MEDICAL REPORT FROM YOUR DOCTOR.
1. Name ___________ Date of Birth ___/___/___ 2. Height __________ Weight ________ IQ _______ GPA______ 3. Social Security # _____________ Drivers Lic # __________ 4. Boy Scout Rank _____________ 5. Home address __________City/State__________ Zip _______ 6.Do you have one male and one female parent? ________ If NO, please explain _____________ 7. Number of years parents married ? ___________ 8. Do you own a VAN? ________ MOTORCYCLE? ___________ Truck with oversized tires ? ________ Waterbed?_________ Do you have an earring?_____ Nose Ring? ______ Belly button ring?_______ 9. In 50 words or less. What does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEANS TO YOU?__________________ 10. In 50 words or less, What does LATE mean to you?_______________ 11. In 50 words or less, What does ABSTINENCE mean to you?_________________________ 12. Church you attend? _____________ 13. When would be the best time to interview your Father? _________ Mother ? ____________ Priest?_______________ 14. Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are CONFIDENTIAL (that means I won't tell anyone). A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is the ______________. B. If I were beaten, the last place I would want broken is my _____________. C. A woman's PLACE is in the ________________. D. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is _________. E. When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice first is her _________ (Note: If the answers starts with a T or an A, discontinue application and leave premises, keeping low and running in a serpentine fashine is advised.) 15. What do you want to be if you grow up?_____________
I swear that all of the information supplied above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of Death, Dismemberment, Native American Torture, Crucifixion, Electrocution, Chinese Water Torture and Red Hot Pokers.
____________________ Signature (that means you sign your name)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please DO NOT CALL or WRITE (as it will cause you injury.)
[glow=red,2,300]Angel[/glow]
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Post by Gerda on May 26, 2006 7:32:21 GMT
REASONS TO LOVE MEN: They've got that comfortable place on their shoulder that's perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep. They give great hugs,(and always melt our hearts when a sweet "I love you Princess" is added). What they lack in talk, they tend to make up for in action. They're at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height and baldness. They rarely lie about their age, their weight, or their clothing size. They make excellent companions when driving through rough neighborhoods or walking past dark alleys. They're enthusiastic about our bodies, even when we're not. They have an uncanny ability to look deeply into our eyes and connect with our heart, even when we don't want them to. They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall. Tho they often try to hide it, they're very tender-hearted and caring. Chest hair, forearm hair and the feel of a newly shaved cheek. Their near-endless appetite for discussing the ins and outs of work and money - ours as well as theirs. Their face is a treasure to behold when they give us a present they picked out. Bravery around snakes, waterbugs, bats and flat tires. Their unapologetic lust for a nice hunk of beef or chocolate cake. Their ability to solve problems, simply by throwing a ball around. The glimpse you get, when they wear their baseball cap backward of their inner Little Leaguer. They give us a peek at the little boy inside when they get sick or happy or hurt. How tender they get when they cry, and how seldom they do it. They never care what their horoscope, their mother-in-law, nor the neighbors say. They really love their moms. They remind us of our dads. They don't mind accompanying a woman to a party even though she looks like a movie star and they look like the chauffeur. They don't care whether colors match, but are willing to be concerned if we want them to be. Their genuine ardor for tinkering with toilets, changing oil and assembling gas grills - jobs any intelligent woman can do but would be nuts to volunteer for. How sexy their butts look in jeans. How sexy their hands look in wedding rings. How much they like us just the way we are.
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Post by angelwings13 on May 26, 2006 12:59:23 GMT
Gerda, I really like that one. I will be married 38 years in July. That hits home for me. But we still have to make sure they know their place and show who is boss, lol...
Angel
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Post by delphine on May 26, 2006 15:34:39 GMT
so it is
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Post by angelwings13 on May 31, 2006 15:28:46 GMT
Here's a fun one. NO CHEATING. First read the question, then scroll down to get the answer. And keep your mind out of the gutter, lol..
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?
>A Nose.
2. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?
> Peanut Butter
3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
>A Crane
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't a maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open. What am I?
> The Titanic
5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
> A Tent
6. When I go in, I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
> A Dentist
7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
> A Wedding Ring
8. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
> An Elevator
9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?
>Chewing Gum
10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?
>A Newspaper Boy
11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
> A Glove
12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?
> An Arrow
13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it. What am I?
> An Attorney
Now once you got your mind out of the gutter, how many did you get right, lol.... ;D
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Post by aperratt on May 31, 2006 21:15:08 GMT
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Post by angelwings13 on May 31, 2006 22:21:57 GMT
I see where you minds was you didn't get it out of the gutter ;D . I bet you had fun with your answers.
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Post by aperratt on May 31, 2006 23:00:48 GMT
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Post by Pinky on Jun 1, 2006 0:29:12 GMT
haha , oh dear think my mind was in the gutter , hm
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 1, 2006 0:39:34 GMT
LOL, are you and Andy thinking alike? I think everyone will have their mind in the gutter with this one, but it's alot of fun..
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Post by aperratt on Jun 1, 2006 0:46:08 GMT
Pinky and I always think alike.
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Post by Pinky on Jun 1, 2006 0:52:07 GMT
I thought the answers to 13. was ME ? (cough cough ) no !!!
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Post by aperratt on Jun 1, 2006 0:56:49 GMT
Funny, I thought the same!! ;D ;D
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Post by angelwings13 on Jun 1, 2006 23:08:43 GMT
ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT ?
Are you lonesome tonight, does your tummy feel tight? Did you bring your Mylanta and Tums? Does your memory stray, to that bright sunny day... When you had all your teeth and your gums?
Is your hairline receding? Are your eyes growing dim? Hysterectomy for her and it's prostate for him. Does your back give you pain... do your knees predict rain? Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
Is your blood pressure up, your good cholesterol down? Are you eating your low fat cuisine? All that oat bran and fruit, metamucil to boot, keeps you like a well oiled machine.
If it's football or baseball... he sure knows the score. Yes, he knows where it's at... but forgets what it's for. So, your gall bladder's gone. But his gout lingers on. Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
When you're hungry, he's not, when you're cold, then he's hot. Then you start that old thermostat war. When you turn out the light, he goes left, you go right. Then you get his great symphonic snore.
He was once so romantic, and witty and smart. How'd he turn out to be such a cranky old fart? So don't take any bets, this is as good as it gets. Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?
(author unknown)
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Post by aperratt on Jun 2, 2006 1:21:45 GMT
I like that one. I know different words to it but unpublishable on the forum!!
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Post by Pinky on Jun 2, 2006 1:33:42 GMT
OMG that is My life story !!!!!! I live with the cranky old fart!!!
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